The no the worst. It's just going to get worse.

Hi alls.  In my previous post I said I wanna do some writing in November and December right?

Oh well. I am writing. But not some writing. 

Firstly, SV2 says I am to past up a journal manuscript to him by Christmas. It will be about my first objective. I am like, okay since it's part of my thesis. And he aims to submit it to Q1 journals (Atmospheric Environment *gasps*). Alright. I will try my best. 

Then. SV1 got a last minute invitation from a local conference. (I seriously hate these kind of last minute invitation, 害人不浅). He forward the notice to us and insisted that me and my friend each write a paper. FYI the date that he forwarded the email to us is 14 Dec. The due date for the paper is 31 Dec. *thunderstruck*

Today's date is 18 December. I have been working everyday for 15-18 hours a day since 15 November. Only took 2 days off when Fatty came visiting me two weeks ago. And I work everyday, which means weekdays included. 

I am so tired. I can't sleep well because my brain keep on processing things. How to explain this graph? Which way is better to explain the data? Which graph depicts the data more clearly? How to sort the fking data in the fastest way. 

I am so tired. And I missed home. 

Starting to Stress Out?

I just came back to Terengganu yesterday afternoon (after two weeks of paradise).

I unpacked and do most of the housework yesterday so that I can sleep late today. But surprisingly, I woke at 7.40am. Who woke before noon during weekends? 

I woke up and my brain ran full turbo in panicked and depression. Unfinished tasks pop-up one by one and I start freaking out. I am not sure whether I am on track or lost in mid-way with my research, with my PhD. I got a friend studying with me and he finished his chapter 1, 2 and 3 already. And he is like halfway finished. He attended 3 conferences, wrote 4 journal papers. 

Me, my Chapter 1, 2 and 3 are like quilts, only have woven. Attended one conference, wrote 2 paper (but only 1 accepted).

My excuse is "I GOT LABS TO RUN". 

I completed two different chemical analysis for my samples and now I planned to pause a while and write thesis and papers and analysis. I aim to spend me November and December doing all these. But November is half gone. I got seminars and poster presentations queing up. Can I finish them on-time?

Happy New Year to the Bangladeshi

A Bangladeshi friend just told me today is the first day of the new year for them and wished me Happy New Year.

The first thought I had after the well wishing is that how sad that so many of the workers have to stay overseas working and unable to reconcile with their family on this big day.

People are usually stereotypical. They saw these Bangladeshi or Pakistanis or any labourers, they will straightaway link them with crime. I have a perfect example. I got this university friend, not much of a friend, an acquaintance. We walked pass some construction workers in the university. Her reaction is dodge away and then she said "it's so dangerous to let them roam around the university compound freely, shouldn't they just stay in the construction area?"

Fuck you bitch, you thought you so pretty the man cant control himself and come rape you? Without them who will build your damn stadium and lecture rooms?

I really hate these people. Do you think they will come working here for you day and night non stop without holidays, far away from home, cannot meet their family, their parents, missing the most important part of their kid's life IF THEY HAVE A CHOICE. Do you know how many people depended on them for food?

Not everyone are born in privilege, can't learn the so atas English like you. Not because they don't want, it's just that they never had the chance.

Sorry I got carried away. So, if anyone chance upon my post today, please wish those hardworking breadwinner a happy New year.

I think of you when I drink this.

I read a book about training our memorizing skills and the simple trick is to relate one thing to another and thus, whenever you saw one, you will be reminded of another.

I am bad in remembering name and faces. Cannot seems to connect them.

But I remember moments.Those precious little cherished thoughts.
Today, I would like to share my cherished thoughts about drinks.


Have you heard of Mango Gina?

Long time ago, he brought me, my brother, my cousin and two of my childhood buddies for a road trip, we all still kids =) . We stopped by in the mid-way for drinks. We ordered a can of soya bean each and decided to race each other to finish the drink. It's dumb. I forgot who won or who was the last but I remember the laughters and the joy. It's one of the most precious memory I had with him.
Okay, why Mango Gina? Haha.
After we went home, we all race again and this time with Mango Gina. Soya bean is quite common so whenever I thought of the 5 of us with him, I thought of Mango Gina. Or vice versa.



Guiness Stout.

We called it "black dog beer". Whenever I saw this, I think of you, my sweetest grandpa. When I was a kid, you brought us out for supper everytime we visited you. And you will order a bottle of this and drink it with ice. Just like all kids, we love ice. You will let us sip and gulp in your glass to get the ice..



Coca-cola

I drink this all the time and quite frequently. So not everytime I drink I thought of you, but when I thought of you, I will think of coke.A long distant memory. You have become a stranger to me now but then, you are once someone very dear to me.



Lastly, Bandung Soda/ Bandung Ice.

I never like this drink and I used to scold my bro for drinking this "dye" water. And I dunno since when I start falling in love with this drink and I drink it almost everyday now. Is it because of the dinner at Tappers we ordered this? Or the supper at the malay stall? I don't know when this fondness starts exactly but then whenever I drink this, I will think of you, my noob fatty. And I missed you so much. Truly.

Online Shopping

I shops online all the time, I cannot control myself even when most of the time the items arrived are not what I expected. So I will try to write reviews on this items on by one. So when you all wanna buy this item and search for opinions, you can google and see mine. And then you decide whether you want to buy from them or not.

There are some awesome shops that provide the best customer service. Some are so efficient that you can hardly believe. Some are so fucking annoying that I wrote a long fb post to complain about them.

Chinese New Year 2015

What's the best for CNY? The food! The cookies and pastries! The gambling! The ang paussss!The friends and family reunion.

As we grow older CNY is just an reason for everyone to come home, to meet up. And this festive season grows duller and duller year by year. When I was a kid, I would be ecstatic for CNY. Mum will buy me lots of new clothes. We stayed up all night on the CNY eve to "守岁" and then wished our parents Happy Chinese New Year. In the morning of the first day of CNY, we will go back to my grandma's house and eat breakfast together (rice and various dishes). Grandma says if we eat fully on the first meal, we will eat fully for the rest of the year.
The rest of the day, we will be gambling, playing fireworks, pop-pop, taking ang paus and going here and there visiting relatives.

The second day is always my favourite because it's the day for us to go to the mum's side. Aunties and uncles from the mum's side will come home, along with my favourite cousins.

My house will organise the annual open-house on the second day. Mum and dad will cook many good food and everyone are welcome to eat!

This year, 2015.

Many relatives didn't come back, I don't know why. And my favourite cousin, she never came back since he left and I can barely see her once a year.



But then, my OGG friends all came back. It's a consolation. =)

Gambling time!!! 

It's a lucky night for me =)

And gambling with them is the best. Everyone snicker and make fun of each other. 

The complimentary group shot. 

Yi Tong have a secret technique to hold the phone for selfies. >.<

 Our favourite yumcha place. Haji Gani. 

We can sit here for hours with just a glass of teh-o-ais.

The reunion lunch photo!

This is the fourth annual reunion meal. 

(We make it alternates, dinner or lunch, see which one suits us better).

This year, the lunch was held at Tong Hoi Restaurant. Not bad, we upgraded our meals to RM800+ (with baby abalones). From the first meal RM300+, we now can afford RM800+ ones, means most of our OGG members are doing good. =)

 All of us, except Yang Jie. 

The dishes we ordered (taken from Mr Wong).

Mr Wong is our organizer =) 

His changed his name to Yik Him from Jun Kit. I still cannot get used to it so I just call him Mr Wong.

Ji Muis. 

*Hui Xin, Wai Kei, Yi Tong, Me*

Me and Wai Kei. 

We used to be inseparable. We sat next to each other throughout out secondary school. We went to tuition at the same place. We share our secrets and support each other in no matter what.

But now, we only meet once or twice a year and barely chat in phone. =(

Still, no matter what, you are still my precious friend. 

My boss. This is the 6th CNY we celebrated together. He said he will reach Kampar on the 3rd day of CNY and then suddenly he came back on the 2nd. ^__________^

And lastly, show you the pic of my beloved cousin. My mum baby sits him when he was a baby so my whole family adores him. He is super cute and super sweet.

A bit thin but still cute!

\Thats all!!! So long~

Changes in Me

In Chinese, there's a proverb that says "It's easy to change the country, but it's impossible to change one's behavior or attitude", yes?

I think I've changed. Maybe in the aspects of taste or music, behavior wise, I think I am still that awful witch, same as ever.

Okay, I will list out some facts about me, and one day in future, I will review back and see did anything changed.

1. I don't drink coffee. Won't drink. Can't drink. I prefer tea, with sugar and milk.
   
2. I like spaghetti. 
3. You know vegetables, they come with stems and leaves. For most veges, I only eat the stem. Only certain veges I eat the leaves. Weird right?
4. Other than eat and sleep, reading novel (particularly historical romance) is one of the must for my daily routine. I read before I sleep, and after I wake (to reboot my brain). 
5. I like re-reading and re-watching. I lost count how many times I re-watch Iron Man and re-read Julia Quinn's novels.
   
6. I cannot tolerate stupidness. I am short-tempered. I often lose control and regret afterwards. 

Let me elaborate a bit in Point No. 6. I cannot tolerate stupidness because when god created me, he totally forgotten patience and temperance. If I care for you, my tolerance limit will stretch wider, but if you are just a normal acquantainces, please don't blame me. I regret it when I cannot control my wrath and offended or hurt you.


Last time I used to love chocolates. But now, I think it's too sweet. Dark chocolate is too bitter. So I maintain minimum intake. Ice creams too.

Multi-tasking mode doesn't exist in me.

Okay, now keep calm, take a deep breathe and list down the things going on in my brain.
I mean the list of projects or paper on-going.

1. A proposal for Indoor Air Quality Monitoring
2. Flood Forensic for Kelantan
3. A paper on Long Term PM10 Trend
4. A paper on Ozone vs Temperature 
5. My Literature Review (which can be divided into chemical compositions, modelling, climate, sources, effects___FML FML FML)

My literature review is the worst of all. How can you force one people to finish it in a limited time? I thought LR is done in stages, where you add in whenever you encounter some new fascinating things?

I know doing all these is for my won benefit, for my own good. But please, I cannot concentrate doing one while keep on worrying for another.

What my Research is about?

My major is Environmental Technology And Management. Oh both of my Supervisors argued a lot for my major. One opting for Chemical Sciences, one for En. Tech and Mgt.

What is my project is about?

In simple words, my project is to find out what is in the air. In the air we breathe in, there are particulate matter. Particulate matter so fine that they can enter our lungs and live there as long as they like. As you all know, in small dosage, it won't bring any harm, but if you breath in the same pollutant, small dosage, but everyday, can you imagine the effects?

My job is to identify each and every chemical present in the particulate matter. Then, from this compositions, I find the sources, means find who or where this pollutant was mass produced.

We blame other countries for the haze, the haze really come from there? You sure? Not from the non-stop burning of trashes in out backyard?


Yes. My research is that simple. Not inventing new technologies to clear up all pollutants or come up with great theories or equations. I made it a rule to not produce any mathematical equations that can be utilize universally. It's a sin for school students. *winks*
(Actually, the reason is I am not that capable. I am not Einstein or Hawking. I am not that observant to be Newton or Archimedes either).

That's all bout my explanation of my research.

My job now, other than my own project, I am involved in other projects. Voluntarily or involuntarily, I have to do it. I have to write journals. I have to attend conferences and write proceedings. Which is very hard. But from now on, these are my main job scope.

Take or leave.

The Road Taken

The road taken, or the road not taken?

Oh gosh. This blog is ancient. I am sorry for neglecting you bloggie and I am sorry I blogged only when I am feeling not that fine. *not in terms of health

Okay, back to the title of the day. The Road Taken.

I am twenty-five this year. Not that young anymore, not that old either. But some friends or more accurately acquaintances of my age, they already have their family. Lovely little kids. Warm and sweet.

Sometimes I feels like I wished I could be like them. A simple girl, not asking for much, not dreaming for much. Not that attention seeker (yes I am, and finally admitting it), not the kiasu bitch. Just a simple girl, marries, work as a clerk. Went home and cook for my husband, stay at home and do housework (I am quite a good cook and I do keep my room clean and tidy).

But sadly, I am not that kind biddable girl. I am the one that always want to be better. Not the best, maybe the second-best. The shallow chit that likes luxuries. The silly dreamer that really thought that she can change the world.


Sorry, out of topic, back to the point. I am 25, and I didn't get a job after graduating my bachelor degree. Instead, I apply to further my studies. Another 3 more years. And not at overseas universities, but in a quite not-that-developed town in Terengganu. Because I want to work under my supervisor, and stay in my comfort zone. Coward.

I am in a stable relationship for 5 years (still ongoing) and my beloved is working in Singapore. It's not that far away, not that near either. And he needs to work, means not much holidays or leave. When I was still in my Bc. degree, I don't think long-distance is a problem. Maybe it's because he i still studying and there's not much happening around, and I have my roomies here with me. But when he start working, we talked more often, and he visits more often and thus, makes me more dependent and always asking for more. Sometimes I feel it's quite unfair for him because he have to suffer along due to my selfish decision of continuing my studies. But still, he never complaint, just show his never ending support. I am so lucky that he loves me because I believe there is not other that can do the same.

I asked myself all the time, what am I doing my PhD? I got a few ready answers.
1) Because I don't like to work in an office, with the same chores everyday.
2) Because I can?
3) To make him proud? To make them proud?
Only the last reason is more logic and legit (I always keep this to myself), to save the world. To make the world a better place. It's a big dream.

 I am always contradicting myself. I studied about environment, how to protect them, keep the world clean, preventing pollution, treating waste, but I used non-environmentally friendly products. All the time. I thought about it all the time and find that I can't be an actual environment activist. But I really hope I can reduce pollution.

And so, I chose this road. PhD. Nice to hear. Nice to see. Dr. Fong. In reality, it's not that nice. I exchange this with my most precious asset, TIME. I am stranded here all alone. No more roomies, no more bestie. No more boyfriend. I missed so much. But I hope my choice will bear the fruit. I hope I won't regret when I harvest the fruit of the tree I planted today.

I chose this road, and I will not envy the others. I am born not to be meek and gentle.

I am repeating to myself everyday. I can do it. It's worth it. Nothing good comes easy.


FML. I can type 700 words for this blog but I can only write 100 word for my literature review. Well done.