The Road Taken

The road taken, or the road not taken?

Oh gosh. This blog is ancient. I am sorry for neglecting you bloggie and I am sorry I blogged only when I am feeling not that fine. *not in terms of health

Okay, back to the title of the day. The Road Taken.

I am twenty-five this year. Not that young anymore, not that old either. But some friends or more accurately acquaintances of my age, they already have their family. Lovely little kids. Warm and sweet.

Sometimes I feels like I wished I could be like them. A simple girl, not asking for much, not dreaming for much. Not that attention seeker (yes I am, and finally admitting it), not the kiasu bitch. Just a simple girl, marries, work as a clerk. Went home and cook for my husband, stay at home and do housework (I am quite a good cook and I do keep my room clean and tidy).

But sadly, I am not that kind biddable girl. I am the one that always want to be better. Not the best, maybe the second-best. The shallow chit that likes luxuries. The silly dreamer that really thought that she can change the world.


Sorry, out of topic, back to the point. I am 25, and I didn't get a job after graduating my bachelor degree. Instead, I apply to further my studies. Another 3 more years. And not at overseas universities, but in a quite not-that-developed town in Terengganu. Because I want to work under my supervisor, and stay in my comfort zone. Coward.

I am in a stable relationship for 5 years (still ongoing) and my beloved is working in Singapore. It's not that far away, not that near either. And he needs to work, means not much holidays or leave. When I was still in my Bc. degree, I don't think long-distance is a problem. Maybe it's because he i still studying and there's not much happening around, and I have my roomies here with me. But when he start working, we talked more often, and he visits more often and thus, makes me more dependent and always asking for more. Sometimes I feel it's quite unfair for him because he have to suffer along due to my selfish decision of continuing my studies. But still, he never complaint, just show his never ending support. I am so lucky that he loves me because I believe there is not other that can do the same.

I asked myself all the time, what am I doing my PhD? I got a few ready answers.
1) Because I don't like to work in an office, with the same chores everyday.
2) Because I can?
3) To make him proud? To make them proud?
Only the last reason is more logic and legit (I always keep this to myself), to save the world. To make the world a better place. It's a big dream.

 I am always contradicting myself. I studied about environment, how to protect them, keep the world clean, preventing pollution, treating waste, but I used non-environmentally friendly products. All the time. I thought about it all the time and find that I can't be an actual environment activist. But I really hope I can reduce pollution.

And so, I chose this road. PhD. Nice to hear. Nice to see. Dr. Fong. In reality, it's not that nice. I exchange this with my most precious asset, TIME. I am stranded here all alone. No more roomies, no more bestie. No more boyfriend. I missed so much. But I hope my choice will bear the fruit. I hope I won't regret when I harvest the fruit of the tree I planted today.

I chose this road, and I will not envy the others. I am born not to be meek and gentle.

I am repeating to myself everyday. I can do it. It's worth it. Nothing good comes easy.


FML. I can type 700 words for this blog but I can only write 100 word for my literature review. Well done.