Future Plans With Someone Other Than Yourself?

I believe everyone must have made plans for themselves, hoping to achieve some childhood dreams, fulfilling wishes.

I have dreams too. My dream is huge. It's to make the world a better place to live in. Literally. That's why I studied Environmental Technology. To try to make make the world healthier so that we can still inhale fresh air 100 years from now. WOW. Okay. I know I am not that super.

Then I watched a talk show today. He says everyone is hoping to change the world. But it's okay if you don't. As long as you don't let the world to change you. It's so well said. We can't make the world change much, the world is evolving on it's own. We can follow up as long as we don't loose our own personality, our original stand. 

Okay okay. I am drifting too far from my topic. 

Making future plans with someone other than yourself?

Me and Fatty (Okay I used to dubbed him as Stickkie, but now he's Fatty) start making plans for future. I don't remember when exactly we start making plans. It's in our daily conversation. Like how our house wanna be, what color of my curtains, walls. And today we talk about having puppies. 

He want a pug, or bulldog. I want chow chow, husky, shiba inu or corgi. Lastly we both agreed on corgi. But chow chow is really really cute. 

How can you not love? 

But Fatty say it's too fluffy. Too much fur sweeping.

And then he talk about kids. He said the doggie will help looking after our kids. I actually haven't decide on having kids yet. Cos I have a messed up brain that have phobia of giving birth.

But I like kids. I basically love everything cute. Kids belongs to this category. My mom is a baby sitter so I grown up with lots of kid around me. They are awesome. Some are crybabies but most of them are so cute. And not to mention my favorite one. He is the sweetest boy on earth with the sweetest mouth that make my heart melts all the time. So I am not opposed to the idea of having kids. Just the giving birth part. Well it's okay. Maybe I will grow up one day. (I hope so).

It's so awesome to have someone to make plans with.

Happy New Year to the Bangladeshi

A Bangladeshi friend just told me today is the first day of the new year for them and wished me Happy New Year.

The first thought I had after the well wishing is that how sad that so many of the workers have to stay overseas working and unable to reconcile with their family on this big day.

People are usually stereotypical. They saw these Bangladeshi or Pakistanis or any labourers, they will straightaway link them with crime. I have a perfect example. I got this university friend, not much of a friend, an acquaintance. We walked pass some construction workers in the university. Her reaction is dodge away and then she said "it's so dangerous to let them roam around the university compound freely, shouldn't they just stay in the construction area?"

Fuck you bitch, you thought you so pretty the man cant control himself and come rape you? Without them who will build your damn stadium and lecture rooms?

I really hate these people. Do you think they will come working here for you day and night non stop without holidays, far away from home, cannot meet their family, their parents, missing the most important part of their kid's life IF THEY HAVE A CHOICE. Do you know how many people depended on them for food?

Not everyone are born in privilege, can't learn the so atas English like you. Not because they don't want, it's just that they never had the chance.

Sorry I got carried away. So, if anyone chance upon my post today, please wish those hardworking breadwinner a happy New year.

Changes in Me

In Chinese, there's a proverb that says "It's easy to change the country, but it's impossible to change one's behavior or attitude", yes?

I think I've changed. Maybe in the aspects of taste or music, behavior wise, I think I am still that awful witch, same as ever.

Okay, I will list out some facts about me, and one day in future, I will review back and see did anything changed.

1. I don't drink coffee. Won't drink. Can't drink. I prefer tea, with sugar and milk.
   
2. I like spaghetti. 
3. You know vegetables, they come with stems and leaves. For most veges, I only eat the stem. Only certain veges I eat the leaves. Weird right?
4. Other than eat and sleep, reading novel (particularly historical romance) is one of the must for my daily routine. I read before I sleep, and after I wake (to reboot my brain). 
5. I like re-reading and re-watching. I lost count how many times I re-watch Iron Man and re-read Julia Quinn's novels.
   
6. I cannot tolerate stupidness. I am short-tempered. I often lose control and regret afterwards. 

Let me elaborate a bit in Point No. 6. I cannot tolerate stupidness because when god created me, he totally forgotten patience and temperance. If I care for you, my tolerance limit will stretch wider, but if you are just a normal acquantainces, please don't blame me. I regret it when I cannot control my wrath and offended or hurt you.


Last time I used to love chocolates. But now, I think it's too sweet. Dark chocolate is too bitter. So I maintain minimum intake. Ice creams too.

Some people

We met people from all walks of life and each of them have different characteristics.
Different opinion about life. Different lifestyles. Different sense of fashion. Different food interest. 
When we meet people with similar interest with us, we may get along well. But people like this are rare.
Most of the time, we met acquaintances which we just exchange shallow talks and few understandings.
Some people can get along well in just short period of time.
Some likes to be alone. 
And some just not meant to be together, as friends or as lovers.

There are some friends of mine.
We used to be very close friend but because we are forced to separate, our relationship becomes distant. And till one point, we never even talk to each other once a year. It's very pity.

There are also situation like this.
In the beginning, we are fine. And we thought that it can last forever. But the more we understand each other, the more we realised that we're not on the same channel. Or maybe we cannot compromise anymore. 

There is a friend of mine.
We have lots of chances of meeting. But no matter how hard we tried, we will never proceed to another level. Maybe because we never open our heart to each other. Or maybe we when we tried to open, we're hurt by misunderstandings and then, we decided to close it forever. I only hope that our friendship doesnt turn worse. Just stay as it is now.
 
Sometimes, we know the relationship had reach a turning point and it's hard to accept. But when we reach the point where both of us cannot continue, when both of us wont give in, we have to face the reality. 


It's realy hard to meet people that can exchange our heart with. Friends or lover. 
So, I treasure mine vey much. 


I'm a very mean person as I'll just treat people in my favour well. 
Some people can thow tantrums at me, shout at me and I'll just laugh and take it easy. 
But to some, I'll be too possessive and protective, where I wont let them do things opposing my will.
Some worse, I dont even give a damn. The most I can do is giving you sarcastic compliments. 

Long Silence Big Difference

Decided to revived this blog after a long long pause.. 

I thought of quitting this blog but it had become my secret base for saving my cherished memories and thus, I will continue keeping it. 

I didnt even post a review on my last year's memories... 

I realised that, when people grows older, they tends to change.. Their taste of fashion, their favourite colours or food.. Their usual characteristics.. 

I changed a lot too.

I used to be fond of chocolates.. but now, I think that they are too sweet. 

One thing, coffee is still bitter to me.

Last time, I cannot survived without people talking to me.. but now, I cant stay in my room for more than 20 hours a day.. and speak less than 10 sentences to people around me. 

Even in my room, I can leave my phone aside and do my own things.. and my things never ends.

I surf net.. play games.. watch animation and movies and dramas.. sleep.. daydream.. and then.. one day passed.

This is my life in Terengganu. 

My real life begins when I'm back home.

I talked and played and talked.. and when I'm at home, I can survived one whole week without computer or internet. 

At Kampar, eating a bowl of noodles that cost me RM20 is not a big deal.. but here.. a plate of RM3 rice makes me complain "Wah, what happened ar?! So expensive today!".

And friends. 

I missed OGG. Every single one in OGG.

Being with them, I can be the real me. I need not to please anyone, or pretend to be nice.

I can shout and yell and pinch and punch. 

I love them.

This friendship is the thing that never change.

No matter how long time have passed, when we are together, we are still the us.. 

We teased and we laughed. 

We quarreled and we forget.

We enjoyed the time together and it remains in out heart forever.

Until now, we still remember the funny memories from our secondary school.

And everytime we mentioned about it, we can never stop laughing. Even when we'd laughed about it dozens times ago.

Friends.

My Stickkie.

We'd been through a lot. And now, you're a part of my life.

We need not to talk. And we know that we are there.

Things have become so simple and so normal for us and sometimes we neglected each other.

We quarreled and we continue going. 

We give each other support and listen to each others' sorrows.

I hope that this wont change. 

Family.

My family is full of problems and gossips. 

Because it's a big family.

They fight and complaint, but they can never be apart. The three sisters.

They grumbled and teased.. but they understand each other. The big tree of my house.

My family may not be rich, but my dad never failed to give us what we want.

My mum is fierce and super nagger.. but she will always prepare all the best for us. From food to clothing.. everything is ready.

The is fair, they gave you something, they will take back something in return.

So, even though each of us have our own short coming, we tolerate and compromise. 

Me myself.

There are a few things that I want myself to learn.

Never talk when I'm angry.

Cool down before I speak.

Work harder and never take things for granted.

I want to be someone that makes you feel proud. And my each and every day is a gift, blessed by you.

Dependent personality disorder (DPD)

I think I'm having this problem and it's becoming serious.

I am hungry-ing now because I cant decide what to eat for lunch.

I'm eating the same thing (curry mee, with either seafood to-fu or meatballs) every morning because I'm lazy to think what to eat.

I went out for shopping, saw beautiful belts, i didnt buy any because I cant decide which one is the best. 

And, every morning, I'll feel so frustrated to choose which dress or shirt to wear.. 

And my solution is ask Joee, what to wear, and I wear something similar.. =_=

I am hoping for people to tell me what to eat, give me suggestions and the best is, prepare all for me. T.T

Independent vs Dependent

Never posted about something meaningful for quite a long while..

My friend's fb status gave me inspiration to this topic..

Independent: not relying on others, not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion etc.

When people grows.. they'll to face this process.. to learn to be independent.. 

Because nowadays, it's hard to put full trust and faith to people around us.

We'll found out a very saddening reality that humans are selfish.

They keep the best thing for their own and never really want to share what they have.

They'll rather throw something away than giving it to someone who needs it.

 

Although this is a cruel fact, we mustn't lost hope to the entire human community..

When there are antagonist, there must be a protagonist.

If there's a monster, there must be a hero somewhere..

Just that he or she haven appear in our lives.

Some people may be bad, and makes us lost faith.. but I believed that not everyone is like that.

There must be someone who we can depends on around us.

Dependent: Relying on or requiring the aid of another for support

I consider myself as a dependent person.

As most human beings was.. I need people to talk to me. To walk with me. To share things with me.

I need a companion most of the time.

I talk a lot and I likes to share my experiences.. my happenings with people.

I need friends to cheer me up when I'm sad.

I need someone to share my problems with. 

They may not able to help me solved it but at least they listened to me and gave me some useful advices. 

There are so many people in this world and I know that even when we're in our darkest days, they must be someone  who needs more help and sympathy than us.

And when we're facing certain problems, it's impossible in this whole wide world, only we have this problem. There must be some people at the other side of the world going through the same thing.

And lastly, treat the others in the way you want others to treat you.

Look at yourself before you start pointing at the others.

And, one may be wrong for once, but he have the rights to turn over a new leaf. All he need is just a chance.

Lastly, without you, the world will still continue rotating. Dont think so highly bout yourself.

Humble is a precious value that everyone have to learn.

Let's work hard together for a better tomorrow.

Lost and Found

Stickkie bought me a bangle last Valentine.. and I lost it few months after that.

Felt so bad for losing it because it wasn't the first time losing things he gave me.

Keep blaming myself for being so careless and clumsy..

On the other hand, Stickkie didnt scold me.. He said I didn lost it in purpose..

At that time, I was thinking that if he lost things that I gave him, sure die hard.

*cruel*

But he never lost anything that I gave him.. 

He just forget things.. never lost things..

No.. forget is also one kind of losing things.

And then, just as I said in the previous post.. I found that bangle.

Hmm.. Not I found.. the part-time maid found it and gave it to my mum and mum gave it back to me.

Once again, I have this bangle.

This time, I'm much more careful. I check it's existence all the time.. 

When I shake my hands, I'll check is it there..

When I hold something, I'll check is it there..

When something touch my hand, or pressed on the hand, I'll check is it there..

Even when I'm walking, I will unwittingly hold the bangle for a while to make sure it is there..

It is because that I've lost it for once and I dont want to lose it again.

I'll do anything to ensure that I'll always have it.

This incident can be a metaphor for many things.

Just like relationships.

I've lost it for once and I dont want to lose it again.

So, this time, I;ve tried harder to maintain it.

I'm trying to change my bad habits.

Now, I started to tolerate.

Sleeping overtime is ok.

Going out with friends is ok.

Staying outside after midnight is ok.

Having fun when I'm not around is ok. 

*it used to be not ok, I'll feel terribly miserable when he is having fun while I was stuck in this noob dorm*

Maybe you cant feel my hard work and maybe it's nothing to you because you never complaint about this kind of problems.. 

Or I should say you seldom complaint about my misdeeds or problems.

Lol.. started to emo =_=

Emo ends.

Back to lost and found.

So, my point is, I lost something once, so when I found it back, I'll put more effort to maintain the ownership of that thing,

Lol. what a lame sentence I've just wrote. 

Forgive me.

Things cannot always belongs to us.

If we dont look after it with love and care, it will slips away silently without notification.

Till that time, dont regret for not doing your best to retain it.





   

How is my holiday?

First of all.. I did spend some time to do my art and crafts..

didn take the photos of the thing inside.. XP

I did spent some time in kitchen.. ^^

I did spent some time with friends.. Although not much..

I did spent a lot of time on tv.. XP

I did spent a lot of time with Stickkie..

And I did spent a lot of money. =_=

I bought a new external hard disk.. Cos the one I'm using previously is severely sicked.. 

Need to hold it all the time when I want to use it.. And it disconnect a few times when I was trying to copy a single file..

Nice? ^^ I bought the pink.. erm.. it's abit red..

RM200 for 500gb.. With such beautiful design!

Suprisingly.. I didn bought much clothes.. *good girl*

And Stickkie taught me how to change icons.. 

Cute rite? ^^

Family Part~

Had a one day trip to KL with my mum and two brothers..
My dad fetch us there early in the morning and drop us at my cousin's house.
Then, my cousin brought us out.. ^^

 This is my youngest brother.. 

My youngest cousin sister *mum's side* with my bro..

We took a 9.45pm train back to Kampar and Stickkie fetch us home..

Tired day out.. and I just bought ONE shirt. 

At home..

Mum cooked curry chicken.. Spicy Thai style Tanghoon Salad.. Yummy..

All mum's dishes are awesome!! The soups.. the veges..

Saw baby Hin Hin twice via webcam.. 

He is still so adorable!! 

Miss him so much.

Not only me.. mum and dad too..

Played games with two of my noob brothers.

Yes. I did bullied them.. haha..

This is my another brother. 

NOOB.

Starts something emo..

What is home? Sigh.. I've came back for 2 weeks already.. and another two weeks more I had to leave.

This is like a place where I spend my holidays..

I wish I could go back to last time.. Stay at home all the time.. No need to worry about leaving..

Now.. I felt so emo whenever I thought of leaving again. 

This is my home.. and I have to leave.

Feels like I haven had enough at home.

I haven sleep my bed enough.

Haven sit on the sofa enough.

Haven watch my tv enough.

Haven ride enough my dad's new car.. *I think I've ride it once only since I came back*

I feels like dont want to leave home.

And, my university have confirm about the new semester break system..

I will have 18 weeks of holidays continuously next year.. From 8thMay to 10thSeptember.

Means.. I can only have one Go-Home break in the whole year..

I dont want.. 

How can I stand the balance 8 months continuously in Terengganu?

Sobs..

These are the cost of growing up.

I gained something I lost something.

 



   

Everyday is A Special Day

Some people likes to celebrate a particular date.. such as 20th October of year 2010.

Like my cousin said,

"days are only special if u made it special... What's the fuss about 10/10/10? Its just a date with a nice number thats all..If u say it only happens once, so does everyday.."

 

Everyday just happen once, so I never let sad things mess up my day for a long.

It's a waste of time locking yourself in a blind corner, feeling sad, depressed or like the world is ending later. 

If the world is going to end soon, you'll be regret for spending your last few minutes feeling sad or worried.

I know sometimes it hard to stop being sad, I feel sad all the time, but I try all my best to figured it out at once and settle the problem. 

Sadness and problems is like a cancer cell. You must removed them as soon as possible, otherwise, the cancer cells will spread and finally.. leads to fatality.

If you have questions, just ask. Got doubt? Speak it out. Something unhappy, share it with your friends and let them cheer you up. Very happy, spread the happiness!

And never feel sad for people who never feel so for you, waste your emotions only. They'll just treat you as noobs. They dont care? So what? Fine!

 

Everyday is a special day cos it only happen once in your life.

So, try to live your day to the fullest.

Live your life with minimum regrets..

*something wrong with this post cos whenever I press enter it shows single spacing, and i dunno how to change it*

   

I have make a lot of mistakes in my previous 20 years life and some of them are facts. Facts that cant be change, facts that nothing can be done anymore.

I missed a lot of precious things with my loved ones.

I made a lot of mistakes and some of them make me lost some precious things.. 

一些错犯了，就没办法回头。就等于，一次不忠百次不容。。。

 

I knew that I was wrong and I hope that you all can give me a chance to change and be better.

I want to live my life to the fullest.

I wan to be happy everyday.

I want people around me to be happy everyday.

笑一笑没什么事大不了~

 

 

*How to be happy?*

Simple.. 

 

Eat when you're hungry, dont torture your stomach. *This is the utmost important*

Smile when you're happy. Dont hide your smile.

Laugh out loud whenever you have the chance. Dont try to stop your laughters. It's burst out.

Do things you want (rasionally).. dont do silly things.

Ask all your unsure questions. Although sometimes the answers turns out to be what we least expected, at least you know the answer.

And, lastly, expressed what you feel truthfully. Like it, just say it. Dont like, just reject it. Dont force yourself to like something you dont or dislike something you love.

The Nite b4 My Birthday

The very first person to greet me Happy Birthday is Chun Chun (From Australia).

First, he called, with a noob voice saying :

Is that Miss Fong? This is from dunno what company. You've won a RM1 million prize.

At that time, I'm playing game so I didn notice who called. I straight say *Wrong Number* and cut the phone. =_=

He called again and I recognised it at once.

Happy to hear from him. O(∩_∩)O~

Chatted bout women.. and his life and my life. 

Then I make him sing. ^^ 

He sang Happy Birthday for me and then I thought of hearing this in the Indian version and he suggest me to find Jie Jie.

*****

So, next, I phoned Jie Jie. 

 He looks so loving.. Haha..

Chatted a while.. ^^ I think staying in Terengganu is much better than India.

Missed his laughter so much and he promised to give me 1 hour time when he come back in this December.

If he break his promise, he'll grow many many pimples! *So bad* Haha..

*****

♥ Then is Stickkie's turn ♥

Chatted also. ^^

Imagined that there's fireworks. Nub. o(≧v≦)o~~

Happy happy.

*****

Then.. lots of messages. 

1st is Hui Xin.

Then from my Noob brother, asking for prizes. *He thought he is  the first person greeting me*.

*****

And a bubble message from Yi Tong. 

Sweet one.

She sang Happy Birthday in English and Mandarin, and birthday wished and lots of kisses in one bubble msg. 30 seconds. 

*****

And, my crazy roommate, Ling Ling. 

She dun let me sleep b4 12am cos she says it's the first time greeting me Happy Birthday face to face. 

But then, I started chatting phone at 11pm, and till 12am sharp she fell asleep. =_= 

But manage to wake at 12.15am to greet me. 

*****

And today, when I logged in my facebook, there're already many wishes.

Hmm.. I think it's the first time I replied all cos last year, I didn replied and I think I didn check the greetings. 

Thanks for the greetings.

   

Move On

Human survived in a life where we need to face departures and arrivals. 

Just like in airport, people came, and people left.

When I'm small, I never thought much about this. 

I remembered when my grandpa and grandma (Mum's side) passed away, I dont even know what exactly is happening.. Why is everyone crying?

Finally, in my Form 5, first time in my life, suffering from a loss of my beloved grandpa (dad's side). 

He is a great man. 

I think is is handsome. ^^ He knows a lot. 

He is kind, just and fair to all grandchildren.. 

And he is one of the two people who remembered my lunar birthday.

Felt so regret for not having breakfast with him when he asked me to.

And now, I dont have the chance anymore.

And soon, more and more people left me. And I knew that we have to move on even we know it's hard to.

Another thing is, growing up. 

Growing up is a process that let me learn a lot of things that is unfamiliar to me. 

Something that I never faced before. 

Something that needs me to be tough to face.

No one is going to spoon-feed me.

And I couldnt go back to the past and do things that I used to.

Such as, celebrating birthdays at home, with parents, friends and relatives..

Or celebrating the festivals with my loved ones.. Having parties..

When one of my uncle passed away last year, I really cannot faced this reality.

I keep on assuming that he is still working in Brunei...

And everytime when I force myself to accept this fact that he is not going to come back, I cant stop my tears from flowing out.

I dont understand why.

He brought so many good memories to me, why cant I just smile or laugh when I recall back this memories instead of crying.

It's so hard for me to believe that he is not coming back anymore.

But I still have to move on.

Continue..

Like now, I am away from my hometown.

Away from the people I used to be with..

I am not used to it in the beginning.

I am having a hard life here.

But I have already accept this reality that I got to stay here for the coming 4 years.

So, I tried my best to adapt to this place and make myself happy here.

And yes, I did it.

I make my room warm and cozy.. 

I get along well with my new friends..

And I dont feel sad anymore when I am here.

Life is still going to move on even we dont want it to.

So, face the reality! 成长是要付出代价！

Sorry.. I dunno what am I bragging here actually. =_= 

Just feel like blogging and then I simply find a topic and elaborate on it. 





    

My Fully Packed Week

Last week is dramatic.

~Sunday~

8.12a.m. My brother send me a msg that woke me up.

He said "4th Uncle passed away".

Cause of death.. suicide.

OMG.

10.30 a.m. He texted me again.

He says, uncle may be murdered.

OMG.

Sounds so dramatic.

At last, the police says he suicided.

My mum got 3 brothers. Two elder and one younger.

The two elder brother passed away last year. 

And now, another leave us.

The new year celebration wont be as crowded as it used to be anymore.

Those will just remain as memories.

Cherished Memories.

~Monday~

It's my younger brother, Zi Leong's birthday.

My house is preparing my uncle's funeral.

So, he cannot celebrate his birthday.

He is still a kid.. 

kids love birthday. 

Cos they can have presents..

Feel sad for him..

11p.m. Choir practise.

This week is Minggu Kokurikulum.

Our Choir Club have performance.

Sing. Sing. And sing.

~Tuesday~

Lecturer told us that our exam had postponed. 

From 12 Oct to 19 Oct.

OMG. 

Means my Material Engineering test will fall on the same week with the Engineering Maths test and sesi soal jawab Hunbungan Etnik!!! =_=

11p.m. Choir again.

~Wednesday~

Xin ku's birthday.. 

Cant celebrate with her..

Wish her Happy Birthday.

Love you always...

~Thursday~

Finally, the PTPTN people came collect our documents.

Queued up from 9.30a.m. to 12p.m.

It's a big mess there.

Numbers are given but suddenly the numbering machine broke down.

Everyone rushed to the front like monkeys released from their cage.

Push here and there.

Knocking each other.

Squeezing like sardines.

And. The PTPTN people are super rude.

Treat us like dogs.. shouted at us.. shooed us. 

Grr..!

~Friday~

Went out for lunch.

"Coco Jumbo"

 

I ordered Chicken Chop rice with Onion Sauce. 

Super big plate!!

Ling : Japanese Chicken Chop Rice.

Price is just around RM6.90 - RM7.90!!

This thing is snow ice...

NAme: Ice Kacang Puppy Love XP

5p.m. Practise choir.

We are called to memorized 9 songs.

Two session of performance.

3 songs at first and 6 at the latter one.

The authorized people keep changing our songs..

Suddenly says sing 6 songs.. then become 3.. 

Duh.

Nite time. 

Riang Ria Raya En. Tech.

I didn go.

~Saturday~

Choir choir choir whole day.

Afternoon.. rehearsal at the hall.

9 songs become 5.

2 in the first session.

3 in the last one.

=_= I copied the all lyrics into a small booklet..

Waste my time and energy.

Finally, night time. Performance.

We are called to wear our Batik..

Ling - Callister *She trained us* - Me - Kit Yin *our conductor*

First session, we sang 2 songs.

Negaraku and UMT Cita Warisan.

wait. wait. wait.

Waiting for second session.

We practised hard for the songs..

Sweet songs.. ^^

Suddenly.. they told us our session canselled.

Wat?!

Then we argued.. protested.. complained..

Finally.. One song only.

Duh.

Thats all.